I shared in my last post about my husband and I finding out that we lost our second baby, when I went in for an OB checkup around 17 weeks. The events since that moment were incredibly painful, not just physically, but emotionally as well. Our lives will never be the same, and there will always be a deep, hurting love in our hearts for the son we’ll never get to hug and kiss and watch grow up. But, we can rest in knowing that our little Andrew is in the Lord’s hands now, and he will never have to experience the pains and evils of this world. I couldn’t ask for anything better for our child.
Though I know Andrew is in heaven and that he’s so much better off than we are on this earth, my heart still aches for him and wonders why God took him. For days, I kept asking God why. Why did He take Andrew when He did? If he was going to die, why didn’t He take him sooner? Why right then? When I was finally willing to sit back and listen to God, I feel like He gave me a little insight into His purpose for Andrew’s short life.
We had picked out the boy name, Andrew Joseph, long before we even knew I was carrying a son. My husband and I both loved the names and the meanings behind the names. Andrew means “strong, courageous” and is often associated with the phrase, “fisher of men.” Joseph means “God/Jehovah will increase.” After I went through the emotional and painful process of giving birth to our son, there was no question as to what we’d name him. We didn’t want to pick out a different name just because he wasn’t alive anymore. We wanted to give him the exact name we had picked out just for him. The correlation of Andrew’s name and the purpose behind God taking him didn’t come to me till several days of asking God why.
The doctor who confirmed Andrew’s death said that he probably died around 16 weeks. After giving birth to his little body, Evan and I were able to hold him. I was amazed at how completely formed his body was. He had fingers and toes. He had a bellybutton. He had a nose, mouth, eyes, ears. He had everything. We could even tell that he had my nose and the rest of his daddy’s features. It was apparent that he would have grown to look exactly like his older brother.
Did you know that in some states of the US, abortion is considered legal up to 24 weeks, and in others up to 20 weeks? In most states, it’s considered legal up to 14 weeks. Our Andrew was only two weeks ahead of that, and he was completely formed! I’ve always been very pro-life, and after seeing our son’s tiny 4 1/2 inch body, I’ve become even more passionate about it. I think I now know God’s purpose for Andrew’s short life on earth, and it didn’t end when he died; it’s just begun! Andrew can still be a fisher of men and God will increase greatly through his testimony.
We took pictures of Andrew’s little hands and feet, and those pictures speak beyond words. I hope and pray that the testimony of Andrew’s life will help save many babies (if even only one) and will bring mothers, fathers, and families to Christ. My husband and I recognize that God can greatly use us in this painful experience. I pray that we can adequately fulfill our little Andrew’s calling. We have found purpose through the pain.