Finding Purpose in the Pain

I shared in my last post about my husband and I finding out that we lost our second baby, when I went in for an OB checkup around 17 weeks. The events since that moment were incredibly painful, not just physically, but emotionally as well. Our lives will never be the same, and there will always be a deep, hurting love in our hearts for the son we’ll never get to hug and kiss and watch grow up. But, we can rest in knowing that our little Andrew is in the Lord’s hands now, and he will never have to experience the pains and evils of this world. I couldn’t ask for anything better for our child.

Though I know Andrew is in heaven and that he’s so much better off than we are on this earth, my heart still aches for him and wonders why God took him. For days, I kept asking God why. Why did He take Andrew when He did? If he was going to die, why didn’t He take him sooner? Why right then? When I was finally willing to sit back and listen to God, I feel like He gave me a little insight into His purpose for Andrew’s short life.

We had picked out the boy name, Andrew Joseph, long before we even knew I was carrying a son. My husband and I both loved the names and the meanings behind the names. Andrew means “strong, courageous” and is often associated with the phrase, “fisher of men.” Joseph means “God/Jehovah will increase.” After I went through the emotional and painful process of giving birth to our son, there was no question as to what we’d name him. We didn’t want to pick out a different name just because he wasn’t alive anymore. We wanted to give him the exact name we had picked out just for him. The correlation of Andrew’s name and the purpose behind God taking him didn’t come to me till several days of asking God why.

The doctor who confirmed Andrew’s death said that he probably died around 16 weeks. After giving birth to his little body, Evan and I were able to hold him. I was amazed at how completely formed his body was. He had fingers and toes. He had a bellybutton. He had a nose, mouth, eyes, ears. He had everything. We could even tell that he had my nose and the rest of his daddy’s features. It was apparent that he would have grown to look exactly like his older brother.

Did you know that in some states of the US, abortion is considered legal up to 24 weeks, and in others up to 20 weeks? In most states, it’s considered legal up to 14 weeks. Our Andrew was only two weeks ahead of that, and he was completely formed! I’ve always been very pro-life, and after seeing our son’s tiny 4 1/2 inch body, I’ve become even more passionate about it. I think I now know God’s purpose for Andrew’s short life on earth, and it didn’t end when he died; it’s just begun! Andrew can still be a fisher of men and God will increase greatly through his testimony.

We took pictures of Andrew’s little hands and feet, and those pictures speak beyond words. I hope and pray that the testimony of Andrew’s life will help save many babies (if even only one) and will bring mothers, fathers, and families to Christ. My husband and I recognize that God can greatly use us in this painful experience. I pray that we can adequately fulfill our little Andrew’s calling. We have found purpose through the pain.


“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you.” (Jeremiah 1:5)
“You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am
fearfully and wonderfully made.” (Psalm 139:13-14)

 

“How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring good news,
who proclaim peace, who bring good tidings, who proclaim salvation,
who say to Zion, ‘Your God reigns!'” (Isaiah 52:7)
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  • I am so sorry for your pain right now. What precious pictures.

  • I’ll continue praying for you, as you walk through this.

  • Praying and thinking of you and your husband. These pictures are a wonderful memory of your new angel. Thank you for sharing your pain.

  • Oh sweet Lydia. What a wonderful fragrance to our God you are. I have goosebumps and tears reading this post. You are choosing to make a declaration…..and carry on Andrew’s namesake. He DOES have purpose and will fulfill that purpose, as he not only lives in the presence of Jesus, but that the dreams you have for him live on in your hearts and you use this incredibly painful experience to bring hope and the message of life to this earth. He would be oh so proud of His Momma.

    Love you my friend. Praying each day brings a little more healing, step by step. Some will be forward, some will feel like they are back….but they are all because you LOVED deeply this life that is continuing to fulfill a purpose each and every day as you Lydia choose to walk with hope. Thank you for your honesty and transparency.

    I am so blessed to call you friend.

  • So sorry for your loss. I cried through this whole post and I pray that God simply gives you an abundance of peace. This is a testimony that God is concerned in every detail of our lives, like little fingers and toes.

  • Kirsten H

    With a loss like this words of comfort cannot always help as we hope they will or mean them to. Please just know that you and your family are in my prayers. I am sure that Andrew will inspire many people. He has certainly touched my heart in a very deep way.

  • awe I’m so sorry hun. I’m sending you the hugest blog hug ever!
    -wHiT

  • Priase the Lord He is taking care of Andrew for you. God knew what He was doing when He gave you a son and took him away. You may not ever know what this testimony will do to some people, and some you will know. Thank You for taking pictures and showing how abortion really isn’t the best answer. Praise the Lord Evan is there to go through this along side you! You two are ever so great for each other! God is so GREAT and AWESOME!! 😀

  • This post made me bawl. I’m so sorry for your loss. Y’all are such a gracious family to use this loss to help reach others. The pictures are beautiful and definitely eye-opening. Thank you for sharing this raw and precious story.

    • Your comment brought tears to my eyes. Thank you! I truly hope Andrew’s story will help a lot of people!

      • You’re welcome. I can relate to your feelings of posting so that it can help even just ONE person. I am sure that this has post has reached many more than one.