Here’s a little humor for your day. This is a “short” list I threw together after a humorous day with our toddler.
You know you have or have had young children when:
1. You don’t even think twice about packing an extra shirt in your purse.
2. You could enter a guiness record for the fastest shower ever.
3. You master the art of grocery shopping with two carts all by yourself.
4. After finishing shopping somewhere, you realize you’ve eaten the rest of your baby’s cereal puffs.
5. A 5-minute, uninterrupted nap feels like heaven.
6. You gauge whether or not you should change your child’s diaper, based on level of wetness: slightly wet, wet, very wet, or oh-my-goodness-the-water-dam-has-exploded wet.
7. No matter how many diapers are in the diaper bag, you always throw in an extra one for good measure.
8. Going to the bathroom feels like a siesta.
9. You are willing to become a complete idiot to get your baby to smile.
10. You literally have a party because your child went on the potty all by himself.
11. You pass a mom with a screaming toddler in a store, and you give her a sympathetic smile as you say, “I’m so sorry. I know how you feel.”
12. People know who “mama bear” is, and they know better than to do anything that will make her come out.
13. You find yourself having to explain why two-year olds are not allowed to drive the car.
14. You have to walk away and laugh first before coming back to scold your child for something naughty (but hilarious) that he said or did.
15. Nap time is an amazing part of the day.
16. Bed time is even better.
17. You’ve bought so many Magic Erasers that you could buy stock.
18. Having a thoroughly clean house doesn’t seem as important anymore.
19. You find yourself secretly wishing for him to not pick “that” book . . . again.
20. You end up hiding said book and hope he doesn’t notice.
21. You are willing to sing the same exact song before bedtime, every single night, because you know it makes him happy.
22. You come up with creative ways to scare away the “monsters” before bed time.
23. You purposely wait till after breakfast to change him into his clothes for the day.
24. You know the theme songs to all the children’s shows, and you even find yourself watching said shows after your child has left the room.
25. You have to explain why ice cream is not an option for lunch.
26. The double stroller becomes your best friend.
27. You become addicted to the sound machine because you had it playing in your baby’s room and always heard it over the baby monitor.
28. To everybody else, your baby is simply crying. But, you know the differences between your baby’s cries: hungry, wet/poopy, sleepy, frustrated, or just plain angry.
29. You hide in the closet so you can cherish that last piece of chocolate . . . all. by. your. self.
30. You gush over yet another bug that your son has caught with his bare hands, while secretly praying that he didn’t get bitten and doesn’t have an allergic reaction.
31. Sudden quiet is never a good thing. Ever.
32. Coffee is the nectar of life.
33. The first thing you do before getting out of bed is pray that God will get you through the day and that there is plenty of coffee waiting for you.
34. You learn how to army crawl your way out of your child’s bedroom, to avoid waking him up as you exit.
35. You become the ultimate ninja. Just saying.
36. You completely understand what your mom meant by, “I have eyes in the back of my head.”
37. You know exactly what your child is doing, even if you can’t see him. Like I said, eyes in the back of the head.
38. You cry during all the pet adoption commercials. Ever since pregnancy, you’ve become a complete sap.
39. Loud noise just becomes background music to your life.
40. Your heart explodes every time those little arms hug your neck.
More (added later by both myself and other moms):
41. You high-five your spouse because you’ve FINALLY gotten your child to go to sleep. Then, you wince, because the sound of your hands slapping has woken him back up.
42. You are willing to endure back pain to be a human jungle gym.
43. Getting to sleep till 7 a.m. IS sleeping in.
44. You find yourself saying things that don’t make sense to people . . . “Don’t sit on your sister’s head!”
45. Your basketball skills are to die for. (I must say I can get a diaper in any trash can from any distance and angle.)
46. You know exactly how far your short one can reach and thus know the sanctuary point of any piece of furniture to place the remote, coffee, etc.
47. If the remote doesn’t work, just ask . . . (I hid the battery.)
48. You find yourself making deals with your kid as to which movie you are willing to watch . . . for the hundredth millionth time.
What are some more things you could add to this list?