My Dearest Andrew,
I should be sleeping. Yet, here I sit, wondering what it must be like for you in heaven tonight. Can it really be that you would have been 3 years old today? But, today you are celebrating 3 ½ years in heaven. To think that the first time you opened your eyes, you were beholding the face of Jesus. What an amazing, everlasting moment you are experiencing right now! Though I’m thankful you never had to face the evil of this world, my heart still aches for you, sweet boy.
I wish I could say there are no more tears. But, as I write this, salty drops are falling to my chest. They say time heals all wounds. I don’t know if that’s necessarily true. There’s something about the wound of losing someone you love. It’s as though a part of you is cut out. You’ll never get that piece back. It hurts to know that we never got to watch you grow. I see your little face in my mind all the time. I remember holding your tiny hands on the tip of my finger.
I marveled at each intricate detail of your body. You were so handsome, and you looked just like your big brother, Ian.
I don’t regret experiencing you. If I could do it all over again, even if it still meant losing you, I would. God used you so much in your short time on this earth. You taught me the amazing beauty of God’s creation. When I held you in the palm of my hand, I couldn’t believe how tiny yet perfectly formed you were! You brought mommy and daddy closer together in a way that forced us to really lean on each other. You taught us the importance of truly depending on Christ when there is nowhere else to learn. You showed us how possible it is to love someone so much, when you’ve only known him for a short 17 weeks. Your story has been a hope and encouragement to so many other grieving parents. Because of you, I have made some close friendships. Because of your pictures, scared mommies have been able to see the awesome beauty that is growing in their bellies. I wouldn’t be surprised if your story has even saved a baby’s life. I don’t know that for sure, but it’s always been a prayer of mine. Oh Andrew, if only you knew the imprint you left on our lives, on this world.
Your tiny feet never learned to walk on this earth, yet you are leaping on streets of gold in heaven! Wow!
I wish you could know how much we miss you, especially your daddy. His heart still aches for you, as does mine. Saying goodbye was so hard. I’m so thankful that it’s not goodbye forever! You will always be in our hearts!
Until we see you again . . .