What To NOT Say To A Pregnant Woman

pregnant-woman

Now, everybody knows to just avoid asking the “Are you pregnant?” or “When are you due?” questions, as you might never know if the woman is actually pregnant. But, what about when a woman really is pregnant?

When a woman becomes pregnant, it seems like all these people with thoughts on the pregnancy creep out of the wood-work. They either offer unsolicited advice, ask the most bizarre questions, or make statements that should be kept behind sealed lips.

Pregnancy seems to make loose lips. And we know what loose lips do. Yep, they sink ships. Pregnant mommies already feel like big, sunken ships. Let’s not add salt to the discomfort.

A few months back, I talked to several different women and asked what things were said to them while they were pregnant . . . things that should NOT be said to a pregnant woman! Some of their replies were quite alarming! Though some of the remarks may have been harmless and well-meaning, a few of them revealed the audacity of some people!

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LENGTH OF THE PREGNANCY


Every pregnancy is different. Some people have their babies early. Some people have their babies after their due date. But, it’s advisable to just avoid statements about the pregnancy length altogether. Mom already feels uncomfortable and is more than ready for baby to come. Don’t make it worse or you might get a snappy reply from a hormonal, tired mommy.

  • “Still pregnant?!”
  • “You still haven’t had that baby yet?!”
  • “Was your due date wrong?”
  • “You don’t look ready to have that baby yet! I think you still have a few more months.” (Pregnant mom was 38 weeks.)

HOW PREGNANCY HAPPENS


Comments and questions about this still blow my mind. When people make any comments regarding how pregnancy happens, they are suggesting that the parents have no idea and somehow thought they woke up one day with the sudden surprise of a growing baby. Come on, people!

  • “Oh, I know how THAT happened. You did the nasty!” Thank you for stating the obvious.
  • “You know why this keeps happening, right?”
  • “Did you let it slip?” Not sure what “it” is. 
  • “You know what causes that, right?”

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WEIGHT GAIN


Once again, every pregnancy and every woman is different. Just don’t. Don’t touch this subject.

  • “You’ll never lose your pregnancy weight, so you might as well get rid of your pre-pregnancy clothes.”
  • “You’re really gaining weight all over. I wasn’t like that. I just gained weight in my belly.”
  • “Which bump is the baby?” I have no words.
  • (Pregnant mom was heavier.) “Oh, you’ll probably have a big baby.” (Pregnant mom ended up having a preemie.)
  • “You are HUGE!”
  • “You’ve only gained weight in the front, except a little in your face.”
  • “Wow! You’ve gotten really fat!”

PREGNANT MOM’S EATING HABITS


This is probably one of the most popular topics that people like to offer advice for. The thing is, it’s just like the weight gain topic. Don’t touch it. Please let the mom be. (Also, make sure to do adequate research before making statements that aren’t scientifically true.)

  • “You’re eating AGAIN?!”
  • “You better make sure you’re feeding that baby enough!”
  • “You’re eating for two now.”
  • “You can splurge! It’s for baby.”
  • “You sure you should be eating that?”
  • “Every time I see you, you are eating.”

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ON HOW THE MOM LOOKS


Instead of making the statements mentioned below, just tell the mom she looks beautiful. Trust me, you will get a much better response.

  • “You look so tired today.” Not sure what you know about pregnancy, but it comes with the territory.
  • “Do you have any stretch marks yet?” Even if I did, I wouldn’t tell you.
  • “Just wait. It gets worse as time goes on. Soon, you enjoy to even be able to move, much less roll out of bed.” Well, thanks for the encouragement.
  • “I’m sorry. You just look too young to be pregnant. You look 15!” (Pregnant mom was 23.)
  • “Oh, you poor thing. You look terrible!” Umm, thank you?
  • “Your belly comes in the room before you do.” Is that supposed to be a compliment?
  • “Can you even still shave?!” Nope. Want to help me?
  • “You’re pregnant in your face.” Wow! I didn’t realize I carried my baby in my face! (SMH)
  • “You are swollen. I would be so worried. I would call your doctor.” The doctor actually says I’m fine. Thanks.
  • “Are you even pregnant?” (Pregnant mom was 8 months.) Nope. That’s a fake baby on the ultrasound.
  • “You look like crap. It must be a girl because girls steal your beauty.” Excuse me?
  • “You’re looking pregnant.” In other words, I look fat.
  • “Did you get Botox in your lips?” (Pregnant mom had pre-eclampsia.) Wow. Just wow.

WHAT THE PREGNANT MOM SHOULD OR SHOULDN’T BE DOING


Yet some more statements that are usually unfounded.

  • “You shouldn’t be lifting anything . . . ever. Lay down!”
  • “You shouldn’t be drinking caffeine.”
  • After pregnant mom ate a cucumber roll. – “You ate sushi? That’s awful! You shouldn’t do that.”
  • “Should you be running?”
  • “You can NOT bend over like that! It will cause the umbilical cord to wrap around the baby’s neck!”

REGARDING BIRTH


The best advice I can give is to just not share any horrible birth stories, especially to first-time moms. This will just heighten her already nervous thoughts about birth. Also, avoid saying the following . . .

  • Pregnant mom was trying to be positive and said that she planned to not have a C-section. The reply – “Now, don’t be so sure about that. You may need one. You probably will.”
  • “Did you hear about [insert most horrific birth story imaginable or story of newborn who had rare serious complications, etc.]?”
  • “We both know you have a low pain tolerance, so you might as well cave and admit that you’ll have an epidural.” (Pregnant mom ended up having an all-natural, unmedicated vaginal delivery.)
  • “Don’t have the baby yet. Wait till 40 weeks.” As if that can be controlled.

AFTER BIRTH/THE FUTURE


Mom is trying to just take one day at a time. Avoid commenting about the future. She just doesn’t need to think about that right now.

  • “They’re sweet when they’re babies, but once your children are teenagers, you’ll wish you’d never had them.”
  • “So cute! They’ll grow up and hate you someday.”
  • “Your 2-year old is gonna be SO mad when these babies come.”
  • “Oh honey, this is the easy part. It’s after the baby arrives that it gets hard.”
  • “You think you’re tired now? Just wait till after the baby gets here!”

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WHEN THERE ARE TWINS


Blows. my. mind.

  • “Do twins appear in there at the same time, or do you have sex and one appears, and the next time you have sex, another appears?” (Yes, this was actually asked of a mom who was pregnant with twins.)
  • “Are the babies in your actual stomach or your uterus?” (Once again, yes a real question asked of a mom with twins.)
  • “How are you going to handle twins? I don’t think you can.” Thanks for the confidence.

WHEN THERE AREN’T TWINS


Hoo boy! This one, folks. This one.

  • “Are you SURE there aren’t twins?!”
  • “You look like there should be two in there.”
  • “Are you sure there’s only one baby in there?”

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NUMBER OF KIDS


This is one that gets to me every single time. People seem to think they have the right to decide how many kids should be in a family. Let’s leave it up to God and the parents themselves. Don’t offer your thoughts on this one, unless you’re asked.

  • “You’re really going to have your hands full!”
  • “You think you can handle that many?”
  • “How many more do you plan to have?!”
  • “So, what do you all believe about birth control?”
  • “How on earth will you give your children equal attention?”
  • “Again?! Already?! But, you’re done now, right?”
  • “Your family grew fast. Are you done now?”
  • “Only two years apart? Wow! Was that on purpose or an accident?”
  • “Are you Mormon?”
  • “Now that you have one of each, you’re done now, right?”
  • “Do you know what birth control is?”

What are some crazy things that have been said to you? Please share in the comments below!

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  • When I was pregnant, I liked to think most of the comments were well meaning and people just didn’t know how to say it more nicely. I didn’t hear any of the more off the wall ones you’ve listed though….I know better, but I hope they were at least said by children who didn’t know!

    • Unfortunately, according to those moms, these were comments made by adults. I’ve received some pretty off-the-wall comments about the size of our family. It’s amazing what people will say when they don’t think first.

  • Bailey

    Oh wow… I can’t even imagine where people have come up with these “bright ideas” of things to say to pregnant moms…

    • I know! Blows my mind.

  • Jessica

    With my first, I was horrendously sick. I could not keep anything down until month 8. I lost a lot of weight. It was awful. I was terrified that my baby wasn’t growing properly because of this, and all anyone ever wanted to talk about my weight. Ever. People meant well, but it’s best to just say “congratulations” and leave it at that.

    • Yes! Just a simply “congratulations” will always suffice. I’m sorry you were so sick with your first! My sister was the same way with her daughter. She lost a ton of weight. I feel so bad for those who end up that sick. I can’t even imagine!

  • sue

    Yes people get ‘baby brains’ and they aren’t the pregnant ones! I remember telling my daughter that the only advice I would give would be not to listen to anyone and just do what she felt was right. There are so many offering advice it gets confusing and overwhelming. Just enjoy your beautiful time and congratulations. Thanks for reminding us what it is like to be pregnant and the types of things people unwittingly say. Thanks for sharing with us at #anythinggoes

    • I think your advice is the best anyone could ever give! You are so right that there is always so much advice that it gets overwhelming. I remember when I was pregnant with my first, I mainly stuck with taking advice from my mom and my sister who had two children. It helped keep things from being overwhelming.

      • sue

        Well it can be an overwhelming time and all the experts seem to come out of nowhere! Listen to yourself that’s what I say and if I’m asked for my opinion then I give it. Glad you liked my reply have a lovely day.

  • MeandMySoldierMan

    Oh man, people never cease to amaze. I was pregnant at the same time as a friend, having her second. And I kid you not, in public she said, “I’m so jealous, you look so cute-” “Oh thanks!” “Yeah, when I was pregnant, I didn’t get very big, so nobody ever really KNEW I was pregnant, but you got big right away, so everyone can tell!”

    O.o I just left.

  • Courtney Janelle

    My Daughter is three month old. I returned to work about a month ago and from day one(after birth) people keep asking me, “you still haven’t had that baby yet?” I have no way of responding except tearing up a bit.