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I absolutely LOVE smoothies, but no place makes better smoothies than Smoothie King. My sister-in-law works there, and I’m so glad she does, because I would have never known about this place. It’s a good thing we don’t have any Smoothie Kings where we live. I’d be there all the time, and heaven knows how bad that would be. We’d have to put a slot in our budget specifically for smoothies. We’re already having to budget for my ridiculous coffee addiction; a smoothie budget would just solidify my ever-growing craziness. Today, Ian and I decided to go visit my sister-in-law at work. I did want to visit her, but I just secretly wanted a smoothie. hehe! I raced into the store, my child-like anticipation building. I couldn’t wait to pick out my smoothie! One look at the menu, and I gulped. So many choices! TOO many choices! That kind of thing is a heart attack waiting to happen for a person like me. Never give someone who can’t ever make up her mind a menu of a million different choices. I didn’t even know where to look first! I asked my SIL what was good, but she narrowed it down with, “They all are.” *sigh* I decided to choose only one section of the menu to look at and just choose from that section. My SIL pointed out something on the other side, and I nearly panicked. It was outside of the section I was looking at. You see, being an indecisive person makes things so complicated, so the first thing I do is to try narrowing down my options by sticking to one part of the menu. Like, before I go into a fast food place, I decide if I’m going to have chicken, salad, or a burger. That way, I’m only looking at the specific section of the decision I made. Heaven help any restaurant that is out of whatever I finally do order, because they don’t know the agony I’ve been through to make my final decision! Anyway, back to Smoothie King, I finally decided on some passion fruit type smoothie. All the flavors in it were tropical, and it was the best thing I’d ever tasted! I let Ian have some, and he absolutely loved it! Below is a picture of him dancing; that’s how much he loved it. lol!
I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t stand the silence at home or the anticipation for Evan to come home each day, just to be disappointed when the sun started to go down and darkness set in. I couldn’t deal with the overwhelming loneliness each night brought. So, yesterday, I packed up a suitcase, grabbed Ian, and we drove to Evan’s sister’s house. She and her husband graciously opened their home to us, anything to give us some kind of distraction. They probably think I’m silly for having such a hard time every time Evan goes away, yet this is the first time he’s gone since deployment. I’m sure they understand. If they think I’m being silly, they haven’t said it yet, and I appreciate them for being so supportive. Today, the boat Evan is on pulled into the New York harbor. It’s comforting to know that they arrived to their destination safely. I try not to be a paranoid person, but knowing that my husband is part of a 9/11 event makes me nervous. I know about the hightened security because of terrorist threats. I just pray that they are thwarted, and that my husband will be able to make it home safely. I’m going to end this post with the following two pictures Evan texted to me today.
I got a phone call from my husband today, and what a blessing that was! I was starting to get depressed and needed to talk to him. Isn’t it crazy how our other halves seem to know exactly what we need? I don’t have much time to write today, but I just wanted to leave you with a picture he texted to me from the boat. Isn’t he just so stinkin’ handsome?! Aaah! I love him so much!
Going into this week, I thought, “This should be easy. Piece of cake. I mean, I went through a seven-month deployment. This will be nothing.” Oh, how wrong I was. Tonight is the first time away from Evan since his deployment. I know where he is and what he’s doing is an honorable thing. He and a small number of Marines were selected to take part in the unveiling of the 9/11 memorial. What an honor! I might even see my husband on the news! I’m so proud of the reason he’s gone, but that doesn’t squelch the pain of not having him beside me in bed tonight or the following several nights. Some wives would probably just tell me to suck it up. I’ve even been telling myself that. But, when you love someone so much, every moment away from him is painful. I wish I could say that I’m the only one feeling Evan’s absence, but even our 11-month old son made it apparent that he knew daddy was gone. Tonight, while I was preparing Ian’s dinner, he crawled around the house crying hysterically. He finally gave up looking for daddy and sat at my feet, continuing to cry. My heart broke to pieces. Ian isn’t old enough for me to be able to explain why daddy isn’t home, but he’s old enough to know he’s not here. How confusing that must be for a baby so young! I scooped our sniffling son up into my arms and held him tightly for the remainder of the night. He dazedly sat in my lap as I read him his night-time story. I choked back tears as a revelation came to me. It was Evan’s night to read.
Ian’s been asleep for several hours now, and without him or the television making noise, the house is eerily quiet. Normally, Evan and I would have already fallen asleep by now. I try sleeping, but my eyes won’t close. There is this vast empty space beside me where he should be. I should be wrapped in his arms right now. I want to be lulled to sleep by his strong, yet soft warmth and the sound of his steady breathing. I think I’ve underestimated how safe he makes me feel at night. With him in the room, I feel as though I have nothing to fear. For now, the best I can do is cradle his pillow to my side and try to ignore the emptiness that consumes every fiber of my being. I must try to rest though, because that’s what Evan would want. I must close my eyes and pretend he’s there. I know what he’s doing is honorable, but why is this so hard?