Category Archives: Depression and Anxiety

What is inside our minds? (a deeper look at depression)

I’m sitting here in front of the computer screen with my heart screaming at me to write something, but my mind keeps drawing a blank. Oh how I want to write, but here I still sit, staring . . . waiting for the thoughts to start flowing. It’s rather tedious and annoying. I feel like my mind does that so much these days. It seems that ever since I went through that severe struggle with postpartum depression, my brain has never fully recovered. I don’t know if it ever will. No, I do not battle with the depression like I did before. I still struggle with it, but it’s so much more manageable than it was.

To be honest, there are several parts of those two years of suffering that I barely remember. Those years were absolutely awful and those pages of life seem incredibly blurred. That’s the problem with depression; it draws you down so deep that you don’t even know who you are.

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I recently came across someone who expressed anger over a family member that was suffering from depression and took attempts on her life. This person expressed how selfish it was of her family member to be acting this way. As this person’s feelings unfolded, I felt Continue reading

It Is Okay To Not Be Okay

For some reason, our society (and especially Christian circles) have developed this idea that if we don’t appear to have it all together, we are perceived as weak and one big hot mess. I honestly never understood this mentality. When did we start saying that it’s not okay to be not okay? What exactly is the definition of “being okay” anyway? Our society seems to have set this standard that you must have your ducks in a row to be okay. Have we considered that not being okay is still okay?

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This past week has been fraught with a lot of stress for me. It has put me through Continue reading

When God Intervenes (Joshua’s Miracle)

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When God intervenes, miraculous things happen. They always do!

“See? He’s doing it again. Babe, I don’t think this is normal.” Trying not to panic, I turned to look at my husband’s face. I watched his brow crease.

“Yeah, I see what you’re talking about now. The other boys didn’t do this.” He held our little Joshua close as Joshua’s tiny body Continue reading

When Depression Attacks Your Faith

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I laid in bed, wishing for the morning sun to go away, wishing for another hour of sleep. Sleep. I just wanted to sleep. Eyes still shut tight, I rolled to my left side and curled into a fetal position. Thoughts raced through my head. They never stopped. I willed them to stop. I just wanted peace. I wanted sleep but could not get any. My mind was always spinning, always spiraling.

What’s the point? All of this is vanity anyway. Life doesn’t make any sense. I don’t know how I’m going to keep going. Why am I thinking like this? I’m just so tired. I want to sleep. I have to get up. I can’t. Why do I feel so empty? Did I sin? Am I being punished? What if I’m not really saved? Why can’t I feel the Holy Spirit working in me? I hate this. I hate feeling this way. Oh, I’m so tired!

“Lord, please help me!” I whispered, as tears streamed down my cheeks. That was becoming my daily morning prayer. A plea for help. A plea for grace. Continue reading

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