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I had a rough dream last night. You know the kind. You wake up sweating and sobbing, and then it takes you a while to get back to sleep. That’s the kind of dream I had. Thinking back to the content, it would almost seem embarrassing to admit. But, my dream was so close to reality, and after last night, it really hit me how much this something had affected me long ago and had placed an imprint on my mind and heart.

The dream involved a high school teacher I had – one that didn’t particularly like me. I never really understood why she didn’t like me, especially since I really liked her and tried so hard to be the ideal student for the subject she taught. Maybe it wasn’t so much her that I liked, but the subject itself. Either way, I tried so hard to please her and get the best grades possible. But, she wounded me pretty badly. I hadn’t really thought of it as bullying before, but as I put pieces together in my mind this morning, I realized that this teacher had mildly bullied me in a way. I attended a private school, so our classes weren’t very big, which allowed for every student to get a decent amount of attention. A couple rough moments with this teacher stayed on my mind and heart, but there were two in particular that really got to me.

Our class had done a writing project for fun, and then the teacher read everyone’s papers out loud. I had put a lot of thought into mine and even added a few silly things throughout it while staying within the guidelines of how the paper should be written. I thought the teacher would like it. She came to one part of my paper, and as she read it out loud, she laughed. But, it wasn’t a “ha ha” kind of laugh; it was a scoffing laugh. I slunk into my seat. I knew what she meant by that. She then followed her laugh up with a snide remark and suddenly I could feel her eyes on me. (Nobody was supposed to know whose paper was whose, so the moment she looked at me, everybody knew.) A ripple of snickers went throughout the class, as I felt heat shoot up my face. After that, I got the clear message from her that she wasn’t a big fan of me.

The moment that impacted me the most was something that happened the next year. Our class was given a very large report to write. This was a report that was going to account for a huge chunk of our overall grade. I had started to notice at the beginning of the year that the grades I was receiving from this teacher were more reflective of her dislike for me than that of what I deserved, so I knew I was going to need to work extremely hard to wow her. I remember talking to my mom about this, but she was having a hard time seeing the prejudice in the grading. My mom came around when she watched me slave for several hours over this project. Since my mother was a teacher herself, I had her read over the report and give me opinions. She was very impressed, and I figured the report was ready. When I got my report back with a barely passing grade, I was crushed. I came home and sobbed in my mom’s arms that night. The teacher had shredded apart my report – a report that was written to near perfection. The following day, my mom handed me a letter to give to the teacher. She decided it was time to go at bat for me. My mother later told me that the letter simply stated that there was need for the air to be cleared and that they needed to talk about this issue. She instructed me to give it to my teacher and to not let my teacher try to talk to me about the letter.

That didn’t go over well. After school that day, my teacher pulled me into her classroom and immediately started to verbally rip into me. She yelled at me, calling me a brat, and said that I needed help and would get nowhere in life with the way I was. The way I was? What did she mean? When she finally finished, I walked out of her room, feeling like the scum of the earth. My eyes were puffy with tears. She was right. I did need help. What that teacher didn’t know was that I was going through a really deep valley in my life at the time. I was dealing with a deep depression that overwhelmed me every day. I was overweight and severely battling with bulimia. At the time, I was starting to have regular nightmares of sexual abuse that had happened when I was a child. What I needed most was a loving heart and a helping hand. When I realized that this teacher that I admired so much despised me just as much, my world crumbled. Teenagers are fragile. What that teacher also doesn’t know is that, if it weren’t for my best friend, I would have taken my life that night.

Praise God that the story doesn’t end there! That teacher taught me something. When I was younger, I had a tendency to speak before thinking. I know I said some hurtful things to people; things I’ll never be able to take back. To this day, I regret so many things I said and did when I was too immature to want to know better. I’m thankful that a lot of my classmates and friends never held those things against me and still talk to me. lol! I wasn’t a horrible person. I just said some stupid things, as does everybody. To be honest, most of the things I remember and feel guilty about, the other parties don’t remember at all. I guess I just carry guilt very heavily. Anyway, what that teacher taught me was the pain of such distasteful words. She taught me that it wasn’t worth hurting people to make yourself look or feel better. I didn’t want to be like her, so I determined that I wouldn’t be like her.

When I got to college, God brought some amazing people in my life. I was able to get counseling for all the issues I was dealing with, and after three years, I felt like a new person! God also showed me that I was a likable person, despite what that high school teacher thought. I had professors who saw my potential and even had one tell me that some of my writings were worthy of being published. My college professors became some of my greatest mentors and had a great, wonderful impact on my life!

To this day, I know that one high school teacher doesn’t care for me. I went home on my husband’s deployment, it having been several years since high school, and I saw her. I smiled at her, but in return, I received a cold stare and she turned away from me. I’ll never understand why she doesn’t like me. I’ll never understand why she said such hurtful things. But, those words stuck with me and almost had a lasting impact on my life. By writing this post, I am not looking for pity. I am in no way trying to bash this teacher. Honestly, I just pray that God heals whatever hurt she’s experienced that has caused her to act this way. I just want to heed people to be careful. You don’t know what a person might be dealing with. You don’t know what battles might be going on their heart and mind. Your words matter. Be sure to use them wisely.

This is a lesson for myself, as well.

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Yes, I know, I did it again. I went and changed the blog up on you again. I decided to go for a more streamlined look until I can decide on a clean looking design. I really like the clean look of the white. Looks like a nice, blank slate. I like it. If you don’t, weeeell, you can get over it. 😛

So, I am just going to have to apologize now for my lack of updates on my style search. This is going to be one of those “beg for forgiveness” kind of deals. I’ve just honestly been so stinkin busy, and my brain is already headed into vacation mode. Vacation starts for us in a week, and I’m SO ready! That doesn’t mean I haven’t quit on the style search. It’s still going on. You just won’t see an outfit for every single day. I do, however, have very good excuses for the days that I don’t have outfits to post for. For the days that I don’t have outfits to post about, I will show you an outfit that I would love to have. Fair? Eh, I think so.

Now, where did we leave off? Ah yes . . .

DAY 11

 
This was one of those days where I had to delve into the archive of my “I Want” list. Have you heard of the book, “Alexander and The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day?” No? You should look it up. It’s a great book and very fun to read. Maybe not over and over and over and over (many times more over) again, like our son has subjected us to. But, nevertheless, it’s a funny book! Well, I had one of those days on day 11. I had planned to put my outfit together by mid-afternoon, but that didn’t happen after we had a fiasco with our Jeep’s AC. After that, I was in no mood to pick out an outfit and spent the rest of the day in sweats and a t-shirt. So, to give something for your eyes to feast on, above is a picture from Shabby Apple’s collection. LOVE that store! If I was made of money, all my clothes would be from there. I’ll be saving up to buy at least one item from them. Shabby Apple specializes in designing clothes that are reminiscent of vintage styles. If you haven’t figured it out already, I adore vintage styles! *sigh of adoration*
DAY 12
Okay, I adore this outfit. It’s simple but classy. I love the ’40s feel of the top. Whoever designed it might not have had that intent, but that’s how it comes across to me. I love the ruffles in the front and the hint of a mini collar. Then there’s the slight A-line under the chest that allows the shirt to fall loose and free. This is a great top for those “fat” days, if you know what I mean. (You know, the days that you don’t really feel like having to keep everything sucked in all the time. No worries, this shirt hides it when you let yourself breathe. Phew!) I believe I got the shirt from Kohl’s a few years ago, but I could be mistaken. I wore a black spaghetti strap shirt underneath, for modesty’s sake. The jeans I’m wearing are a Walmart pair that I FINALLY fit back into again. Can I get a virtual high-five? Yeah!
Once again, I love the accessories. (The earrings are silver hoops I got as a present from my husband last year.) I absolutely adore this bracelet that I got from the shop, cheap lasik eye surgery collection;travelDestinations. It is a black ribbon bracelet that has clusters of silver beads between black ribbon knots. This bracelet is so cool and chic, and I love that I now have some great jewelry to go with my darker colored outfits. The owner of “All Seven Sisters” is so sweet and a beautiful person, inside and out. She is new to the Etsy world, so you should stop by her shop and give her some love! She has a facebook page as well, cheap lasik eye surgery in collection;governmentalJurisdictions. You should definitely check out her work! A lot of her jewelry is unique and can not be found in the normal stream-lined type of jewelry.
The hair clip is one of my own creations from my shop, cheap lasik eye surgery san diego. It is a black vintage floral hair clip and goes perfectly well with this outfit (and the hair style)!
DAY 13
I have yet another outfit that I love. Yay! I simply love the modern vintage look of this outfit. At first glance, the top might be making you sweat. But, it’s actually pretty breezy and is a great Spring/Summer top. The shirt is a pink, lacy over shirt that you would most definitely wear something under. Because it’s lace, you can see through it. This cute little thing is from New York & Company. (I only paid a whopping $2 for it at the thrift store. Woot!) Love it! Underneath, I wore a nude colored tank top that I got from Old Navy for less than $5. See? You can wear cute clothing and not pay a ton of money. 🙂 I wore those amazingly wonderful jeans from American Eagle, added on some cute accessories, and voila!
Once again, we visit “All Seven Sisters” and “Popsies and Lace” for the accessories. This necklace is from “All Seven Sisters.” It’s so cute and is perfect for my vintage style outfits. I also love that you can wear it short or long and it’s really comfy to wear. What you can’t see is that the pendant is a picture of little flowers and a perching bird. Adore it!
The earrings are the creamy ivory rose, vintage inspired earrings that I’ve worn with previous outfits. I think they just complete the ensemble rather well.
DAY 13
Here is another online-selected outfit for your viewing pleasure. My excuse for day 13 is that my infant son spit up all over me about an hour before I planned to get pictures. No joke. The spit-up ran all the way from my shoulder down to my waist and even got on my pants. Yeah, I wasn’t about to get a picture in that. So, instead you get to look at this beauty of a dress! Oh. my. goodness! I want this sooo badly! I want it in yellow, even though yellow looks awful on me; that’s how badly I want it. It’s totally ’50s/’60s and looks like a dress you would have seen on the movie, “The Help.” L.O.V.E!
DAY 14
I went modern vintage again for day 14, and I really like the end result! The turquoise top and the nude undershirt are both from Old Navy. The turquoise top is from their vintage style line. So comfy! I wore the tops with my favorite American Eagle jeans (yes, again). Then, I paired this outfit with some fun accessories that I think make the outfit to be one that I love wearing.
This lovely, summer, infinity scarf is from the Etsy shop, buy lasix from uk. I love this scarf, because it is super comfy and very lightweight. You would think it’d be too hot to wear in the summer, but it’s the perfect accessory to go with a summer outfit. This scarf isn’t available in her shop anymore. But, she does have many other designs up for sale buy lasix online from canada.
The burlap rose headband and the earrings are both from my shop, cheap lasik eye surgery san diego. If you remember the outfit from day 11, that’s the same headband. I told you it was versatile! Here, I wore it boho style to give off a ’20s feel, and I think it worked out quite well. The earrings are the same ivory rose earrings worn in day 13.
I’m beyond excited to conclude that I think I’ve finally discovered my style. Though I always loved vintage, I wasn’t quite sure how to wear it. With using Shabby Apple and other sites as inspiration, I’m finding ways to modernize vintage looks. I also had a very exciting moment the other day, while shopping at Kohl’s with my husband. For the first time, I walked past the women’s clothing section, and my eyes immediately landed on some tops and dresses. They were lacy and screamed vintage. I nearly screamed myself! I gobbled them up, with my eyes, as my lips drooled with longing. Okay, that may be dramatic. BUT, I called my husband over and said, “I want those. They are totally my style!” I looked at the price tags, sighed, and then walked away with the pictures of those finds dancing through my head. On my way out of the store, something struck me. For the first time ever, I noticed something in a store that was MY style! I was actually able to say that I found something that was “me.” Now that’s what I call progress!

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One day, after an extremely long and difficult day in the field, my husband drug himself inside the house and began to slowly undo his boot laces. Our two-year old son, Ian, immediately ran up to him, hugged him as tight as could be, and then began begging him to go outside to play. With tired eyes, Evan looked up at me, and I saw the exhaustion on his face. I quickly stepped in and suggested that Ian go play with his toys instead. Disappointed but not defeated, Ian turned back to his daddy and asked again. This time, my husband paused from taking off his boots, put a gentle hand on Ian’s shoulder and said, “Okay, buddy. Give me five minutes to change, and we’ll go outside.”

Ian cheered and practically did a dance as my husband headed off to the bedroom to change. True to his word, he came out five minutes later and went outside with our son. While I worked on our very late dinner, I watched through the sliding glass door. My heart melted as I saw my husband chase Ian around the yard, wrestle with him, and even push him around in his little toy car. I knew how tired he was. I knew that all he wanted to do was sit on the couch. I knew he wanted so desperately to sleep. I knew that his feet were aching from walking all day. Yet, he chose to play outside with our son. Ian never saw his daddy’s exhaustion, but he will always remember those moments when daddy played with him.

I am in awe of how selfless my husband is toward our children. He invests so much into them, even when he is at the rock bottom of the exhaustion pit. No matter what happens, our children will always know that daddy loves them. I’m beyond blessed to be married to such a wonderful man!

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I’ll be honest. I never knew what a link party was, and I always saw no point in them. After reading up on link parties, I realized how wrong I was! Link parties not only introduce you to new blog friends, but they allow more traffic to head your way. Where have I been?! Why haven’t I done this before? Ah well, live and learn.

For those who might be stopping by my blog through the link-up, let me introduce myself. Hey there! My name is Lydia. I am a Marine wife and stay-at-home mom to two handsome little boys. I run my own business, making vintage and high fashion accessories and military-themed items.



Before I head into my 5 things, I’m linking up with “Thoughts By A Petite Brunette”:

 

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(I’m not sure why the link is showing up all funny, so I apologize for that.)
 
5 Things On My Mind:
 
1. Holy storm! We’re currently dealing with hurricane Andrea and tornado warnings. Everything is blowing like crazy outside right now. I’ve never, in my life, dealt with tornado warnings before, so this is all new to me. I was awakened at 4:00 this morning with Emergency Alerts on my phone, saying that there was a tornado warning for our area and to take shelter. Thankfully, those warnings died out, but we’re still under a tornado watch till this afternoon. My husband told me that, if we needed to take shelter, to grab the mattress from the guest bedroom and take it into the bathtub with myself and the boys. In such an event, I will also take my prized dark chocolate that my dear friend brought to me from Europe.
 
2. Outfit for the day. I am still in my pajamas and have been procrastinating on choosing my outfit for the day. I blame it on the weather. I’m still trying to think of what to wear. I MUST pick an outfit! Why? Because I started a challenge for myself, for the month of June, to come up with a new outfit every day. All of this is for the discovery of my personal style. You can read the first post about that order lasix online cheap.
 
3. Please poop on the potty already! Anybody who has gone through or is going through the potty training phase with their child can sympathize with me. My two-year old has the peeing down like a champ. He goes whenever he feels the urge and can hold it pretty well. We’re in a whole new world with the number two side though. I have thought of every creative idea possible, and he just refuses to go on the potty. This morning, he even came to me and said, “Mommy, I have to go poop. I need diaper.” Seriously, child? I encouraged him to go on the potty, but after many tears and many minutes, I realized he was not going to poop until he got in a diaper. Good grief! This might take a miracle.
 
4. I need to run. I took on a running challenge for the summer and should really go to the gym today. But, with all this crazy weather, I think it’s smarter to stay inside. To be honest, I actually WANT to go to the gym and go running! Poopy weather!
 
5. Coffee!!!! If you know me, you knew this would end up on the list somewhere. When am I NOT thinking about coffee?! That’s right. Never. Coffee coffee coffee! Have I said it enough? I. love. coffee!
 

 
 
 
I look forward to linking up with all you other bloggers and reading your five things! 🙂

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