source url For some reason, our society (and especially Christian circles) have developed this idea that if we don’t appear to have it all together, we are perceived as weak and one big hot mess. I honestly never understood this mentality. When did we start saying that it’s not okay to be not okay? What exactly is the definition of “being okay” anyway? Our society seems to have set this standard that you must have your ducks in a row to be okay. Have we considered that not being okay is still okay?
I laid in bed, wishing for the morning sun to go away, wishing for another hour of sleep. Sleep. I just wanted to sleep. Eyes still shut tight, I rolled to my left side and curled into a fetal position. Thoughts raced through my head. They never stopped. I willed them to stop. I just wanted peace. I wanted sleep but could not get any. My mind was always spinning, always spiraling.
What’s the point? All of this is vanity anyway. Life doesn’t make any sense. I don’t know how I’m going to keep going. Why am I thinking like this? I’m just so tired. I want to sleep. I have to get up. I can’t. Why do I feel so empty? Did I sin? Am I being punished? What if I’m not really saved? Why can’t I feel the Holy Spirit working in me? I hate this. I hate feeling this way. Oh, I’m so tired!
“Lord, please help me!” I whispered, as tears streamed down my cheeks. That was becoming my daily morning prayer. A plea for help. A plea for grace. Continue reading →
“Do you know who that baby is? That’s Jesus – Jesus Christ!”
I looked up from my phone and saw him standing there, surrounded by a couple young children. He was your son, and he looked like maybe he was about ten years old. I could be wrong. Listening to him speak, I could tell he might be autistic or have some sort of learning disability. None of that matters though because his words pierced my very soul.
“Do you know what Jesus did? He came to be the Savior of the world! He loves us so much that He died on the cross for our sins so that we could be free!”
Tears flowed down my cheeks as I intently listened from across the room. A warmth filled my soul. I listened as your son continued to Continue reading →
I know many of my lovely readers have been wondering where I’d gone. Some of you even reached out to me via email and Facebook, and I thank you so much for that! The thing is, I needed a break . . . a long one. These past 11 months or so have been a difficult journey for me, as I encountered severe postpartum issues, including depression, anxiety, OCD, etc. I’m seeing a break in the clouds and feel compelled to share my story. I feel like postpartum mental struggles are not talked about enough and many moms are left suffering silently. I want to help break the silence. You’re not alone, momma! These issues are very real, but with each voice, we can find a way to provide hope and help for the sufferers. I decided that I will share my story in parts, as it is much too long to put in one post. I am still growing and learning, but God’s grace has been ever abundant. I will still have bad days, but I’m slowly learning to find God in the storm. I just ask for your grace. This is a very raw topic, but I want to bring God glory through this! If He can use me to be an encouragement to at least one person, then His work is not in vain. Follow along as I share with you my heart, my mind, and my struggles with my faith in God.Continue reading →