Tag Archives: military life

What To Do When Your Spouse Is Changed By Combat

I gripped the steering wheel as if it was my one and only lifeline. Hot, angry, hurt tears made trails on my cheeks as I watched the radio clock tick another minute.

Midnight. 12 a.m.

It was a new day, but I felt as though it was a night that was going to linger endlessly and never take the pain away. Our one year old son (our only child at the time) slept peacefully in his car seat, clueless of what was going on.

Clueless. Oh, how I wanted to be clueless of the man my husband had become. I wanted to be clueless of the fact that the man who returned from Afghanistan was not the same man I had tearfully kissed goodbye several months back.

I noticed it that ride home after our initially joyful reunion. The man sitting next to me had changed. He had become a stranger, despite the countless letters we wrote during the deployment.

As the months went by, I noticed how different he’d become. He struggled with his belief in God. He became angry and distant. He grew stressed. His fuse drew shorter and shorter, and he became all too familiar with the taste of alcohol.

I found myself praying every morning; praying that we would have a good day that day. That I would be able to reach through the shell of the man I had married.

He never became abusive. He was just angry . . . all the time. He said things I knew he didn’t truly mean. But, I was weary. I watched the man I loved so much deteriorate before my eyes. I felt as though I didn’t even know him anymore.

Then, we found out we were pregnant with our second baby. I was terrified. I did not want to bring another baby into this. I did not want our children to suffer with a father who was slowly becoming an alcoholic.

I released the grip of the steering wheel to pick up my cell phone. I paused as I listened for the voice of my mother-in-law.

“Mom? I can’t. I can’t do this anymore. Evan got drunk again and we fought, and it was awful. I left. I have Ian in the car, and we’re sitting in the Walmart parking lot. I’m prepared to just drive right now and leave. We might be at your house tomorrow.”

I was serious. I was ready to leave without even saying goodbye. I wasn’t thinking divorce. I just wanted to get away; for us to take a break from each other. My husband needed help, but I didn’t know how to help him.

Then, my mother-in-law surprised me.

“Lydia, you know that dad and I will be here to welcome you with open arms if you decide to leave. But, is this really what you want? Are you sure you’re ready to throw in the towel just yet? Leaving might make him wake up to what he’s doing, but it also might not be the best solution. If you can work through it, don’t give up just yet.”

I cried. No, sobbed. I didn’t want to leave, but I also didn’t want to stay. I didn’t want another night of alcohol, another night of fighting that would just leave me full of hurt and praying for the man I originally married to come back.

changed by combat

I put the car into drive and found myself on the dimly lit road back to our home. Continue reading

What To Do When You Are Overcome With Anger

overcome with anger

*written by my husband, Evan*

There I was, standing in the street, screaming at the other car, demanding the other driver get out of his car. . . . I only wanted to share the love of Jesus with him, I promise!

Actually, in all seriousness, I wanted to knock his teeth out for committing that egregious, despicable, heinous act.

He cut me off.

I mean, how dare he?! Who does he think he is?

I clearly had the right of way, and he just took it! I had to slam on my brakes just to avoid hitting him! I was right and I was more than willing to inform him, shouting at the top of my lungs, and saying some things that I will not repeat here.

As I returned to the car, Continue reading

What You Need to Know Before Interacting with New Military Wives

need to know military wives

She probably thinks she’s hot stuff, marrying a little higher up. Why is she in charge of caring for the company wives? She has no idea what it’s like. This is her first deployment, for pete’s sake!

Two things. There were TWO things I knew about this wife: she was newly married and her husband was an officer who had been in for almost 20 years.

Before even meeting her, I made the assumption that she was snotty and was going to lord her new position over us. Continue reading

Bailey’s Wedding (Cross-Country Road Trip)

I love a good wedding, and I got to go to Bailey’s wedding!

In my last post, I gave some quick features of the beginning of our cross country road trip last June. Well, today, I wanted to focus on one aspect that was one of the main reasons we took the trip (aside from visiting family, of course)! A few months before, I had decided that we were going to plan our trip around Bailey’s wedding.

If you don’t remember Bailey, she is a dear friend that I actually met through blogging! You can also meet her over at her blog, Becoming Bailey! We met a couple years ago, developed a friendship, then she came to visit us in North Carolina, and the friendship has continued to blossom ever since! It’s been SO awesome to be Continue reading

She Wouldn’t Let Me Wash My Hands (Cross-Country Road Trip)

I was crazy. I took the kids and me on a cross-country road trip for a month!

If the title captured your attention, don’t worry, I will explain that later. So . . . I mentioned in previous posts that the kids and I took a cross-country road trip back in June. Well, I am now FINALLY getting around to telling you all about it, beyond the time I peed my pants on the side of the highway.

So, where did we go? Well, in a tiny nutshell, this is what our agenda looked like: Continue reading

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